Reason

I think now's a good time to clear up why I'm writing here instead of talking directly to my wife about these things. I know I said I'm not writing this blog for others (and I'm still not), but should someone decide to start reading it I want to clear this up.

I think a lot of people, me included, would read the previous posts and think, "Hey, why don't you just say something to your wife about it?" If anyone were reading, I'm sure I'd get comments about being open and honest with her. While I appreciate the concern and agree with you, there are a few main reasons I'm writing here and not talking to her about it; and I intend to clear that up now.

First, I have talked to her about most or all of these issues. In fact, that's where a lot of my frustration comes from; the fact that despite many attempts, ranging from incredibly subtle to embarrassingly overt, nothing changes. I realize I can't, and she can't change everything, but so often I just don't feel like she's trying very hard. I often don't even feel heard at all.

Second, she has a major guilt complex. Anytime I bring up something that displeases me or frustrates me or requires some act of change on her part, she feels like I hate her. She's never been catholic but she would be great at it, with her deft grasp on the concept of guilt and its application haha.

This last one I fully blame on myself, I just don't quite know how to get over it. When I bring something up I usually end up feeling like she's changing something out of guilt, not because she wants to. I'll use sex as an example, since I've posted about those problems the most. So, for instance, one day I'll mention the fact that I want more sex and better sex (more tactfully than that of course haha). Over the course of a couple days I notice a slight, though noticeable, increase in sexual activity. That's great of course, but the problem is, I can't help but think she's doing it to keep herself from feeling guilty or to keep me off her back rather than actually wanting me or wanting a better sex life in general. And I don't want it to be that way. I don't want it to become a chore, and I don't think it has to, but I just can't avoid feeling like she thinks it is. That's just one example. The same goes for other things too and it just leaves me feeling like my hands are tied. It leaves me feeling like I have to bottle it up, which is definitely not good and I've done far too much of that in my life; so here I am.

So, that's a brief summary of why I'm doing this. I'm sure there's more to it but I'm a little tired to write more right now.