Scary Sexy

Ugh... I procrastinated again, but finally finished what I was going to post before the weekend.....

Sometimes I wonder what the fuck I'm thinking. Seriously, what drives me to make some of the possibly worst decisions ever? The following story is why I wonder such things. Don't forget the disclaimer by the way.

It was around 12:30am, the Sunday before this. My wife had just gone to bed and I, still admittedly a bit intoxicated decided to stay up; which is my custom, inebriated or not. I checked my email and am surprised to find a response to a craigslist ad I posted some time ago. The ad was basically, a brief description of my situation and a more detailed picture (not an actual photo) of what I was looking for. Anyway, the response I got sounded a bit strange. She explained how she wanted to help me with my near sexless marriage by teaching me a few things that would make my wife more interested in sex, and if nothing else, we could just have some fun, NSA sex. Needless to say, what she said and the strange way she said it, put me a little on edge. My interest piqued, I wrote her a brief, tentative email saying that I was in fact, interested, though I wanted to hear more from her before I was sold, as it smelled an awful lot like spam or scam. A few minutes later, right before I log off deciding it's finally time for bed, I get a response from her wherein she informs me that she's house-sitting/dog-sitting for a friend near where I live, she's had too much wine and that I should come over because she's incredibly horny. She even boasted her flexibility, explaining that she was a former gymnast and figure skater. Ridiculous, right? Now, I'd be lying if I said all of this didn't get me a little excited but there were still a couple major reservations rolling around in my head despite my intoxicated state. It sounded quite strange that a 29 year old former gymnast/figure skater, house-sitting all alone, would invite me over very late at night to teach me some tricks to save my marriage. However, I had to find out what was going on.

We exchanged a few rapid-fire emails and somewhere along the line she must have said something to simultaneously convince me and get me all turned on.

So, all full of piss and vinegar (in this instance the saying should go, "all full of sperm and vodka"), I decide to sneak into our room, trying not to wake my wife in the process, get some clothes on and go over to trusty ole Michelle's house.

Like a zombie whose main objective is obtaining flesh, I drive over there, park and make the long walk to the door. My thought process, from the time I exited my door to the time I got to hers, went something like this: "What the fuck are you thinking? You've been drinking, now you're driving? You don't know who she is! What if she is a he? Could even be a group of guys pretending to be a girl and when I get there they're going to rob me; or worse. OK, maybe I'm just being paranoid. But it's 2am and your wife normally gets up to check on you if too much time passes before you go to bed. I bet she calls me to see where I am. How do you know this isn't a man?  What if she's underage? This whole thing seems like a bad idea. A drunk, former gymnast wants to teach me some tricks? Seriously? She's not answering the door and it's kind of dark in there. I don't like this. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. What the fuck are you thinking?" Unfortunately, that thought process was great company on the drive over but didn't manage to talk any sense into me and before I knew it she was answering the door. The only thought I could manage at that point was, "Well, it's too late now." 

She very politely gave me a hug, offered me a drink and talked with me for a moment in the kitchen. True to her email, she asked me questions about the sex in our marriage, which isn't the biggest turn-on right before extramarital sex, but it did make me more comfortable with her and one by one my walls come down as I realize, she actually is just a horny, drunk 29 year old, who wants to help and just like me is taking quite a few risks by asking a strange man to come over at  in the morning. She even had her papers showing a clean bill of sexual health, fresh as of a few weeks ago, which is pretty ironic considering how much I panicked about coming over. Once I got over my initial fears, it turned out she was actually safer than some I've talked to for much longer... and met in daylight!

When we finally got to it, the sex was good, though definitely not the best. In fact there were times when it wasn't even good, to be honest. I'm not sure if she had too much to drink to be effective (I was coming off my buzz unfortunately) or if her idea of good sex and mine were a bit off but there was definitely a disconnect somewhere. For instance, she got on top and was riding me pretty hard, which I love, but once she got really into it she did this grinding thing that bent my cock in a very unpleasant way and basically pried it out of her. Several times, we had to stop to put it back in, she'd apologize and we'd start again. Everything would work well, till she got too into it and sure enough, pain then pop. I will say this though, her little gymnast body was pretty amazing and it was kind of fun to be with someone so flexible. I actually tend to like curvier women but it was kind of fun being with someone with that kind of flexibility. I have no idea if she was ever a gymnast or a figure skater but her flexibility sure didn't contradict her claims.

Afterwards, reality flooding back into my mind, I got back into my car and pondered what awaited me when I returned home. Curious how my entrance would be received, I pictured her waiting anxiously in a rocking chair, like a parent waiting for a rebellious teen. I imagined her searching the apartment and realizing I was gone, calling and asking me what the fuck I was doing out at 5am. After what seemed like an endless journey home, I cracked the front door and was pleasantly surprised to find the apartment just as I left it. She's gotten to be a heavier sleeper over the years and never have I appreciated it more.  

In all reality, as safe as Michelle was and as much fun as it ended up being, I don't think I'll be doing anything that potentially dangerous again; no matter how hot she is or how much I have to drink. Although, I've said similar things before. God I hope I can keep my promise this time.