I Can't Even Cheat Right!

Wow, this is frustrating!

There are two women I've been talking to, both with my freshly hatched idea of cheating. Both were going well, and I'm actually still talking to one of them. Here's the frustrating part though: I can get a woman interested in me, but I can't take it to the next level. 

Mind you, this is nothing new in my life; I just thought I was beyond it after being married for a number of years, growing up and hopefully learning something along the way haha. I guess not though, damn! Here's a little history on me: Traditionally, I'm too nice, too respectful and too much of a good guy. In other words girls think, "I like you but I won't fuck you." 

So here's what happened: Girl 1 (I'll call her Anne) lives near me. We started chatting and found an instant connection. We're both in the same situation; passionate persons with spouses that don't really seem to care for sex, leaving us looking for a way to fill that void. We've been chatting for awhile and honestly, it could still happen. So what's the problem? I think I got too close, emotionally. I'm not sure when this happened exactly but at some point I think I became too caring and gave her the idea that I'm better as a friend than as a way to sooth her aching loins haha. Story of my life. *sigh* Again, if could still happen but I have a very strong feeling that it won't work out in quite the intended way, given the way it's shaping up now. 

Girl 2 (no name necessary as her story starts and stops here haha) lives in Texas (which is where I was on the aforementioned unexpected trip). This one really frustrates me because this one was going to be HOT! And there were was no emotional attachment, as there wasn't really time for my typical flaming nosedive into the friendzone. Anyways, I talked to her on the phone, and things were great. We talked for five hours; had some hot phone sex and everything looked like a go. I know she was nervous about meeting a stranger from out of town but nevertheless she agreed to meet me at work. The meeting itself seemed ok but upon further reflection I should have given her my room key. She hinted to it the previous night on the phone but honestly (and I think this is reasonable) I was a little nervous to give my room key to someone I knew for less than 24 hours. I was at work too, so I was, needless to say, a little distracted, worried that I'd get caught. I also didn't want to assume. We had never met before and, though we were on a tight schedule given that it was my last night in Texas, I didn't want to put the pressure on her to come to my room if she wasn't comfortable or didn't like what she saw when we met. So I told her to call my room later if she wanted or I'd email her when I got back, as my cell wasn't working there for some reason. No call. I tried to email her, but no answer while I was there (or when I got back), so I can only assume that the initial meeting didn't go well. 

So here I am now, confused beyond belief. Why is it that I can get a woman to like me but I can't get her to fuck me? What about my personality draws women to me, but not as anything other than a friend?

The biggest problem is I don't know how to change it, especially because I was raised to believe these qualities are what women are looking for. It doesn't help either that you women are always telling us you want nice guys, when you actually don't. Or maybe you do, and I somehow am just too nice (if there is such a thing; seems ridiculous haha). Either way it sucks, because it's so ingrained in me that it would take some serious changing to fix it, assuming it's even possible. This is actually yet another perfect example of how being reasonable and "nice" seemingly would be an advantage but has really worked against me.

I'll expound later on this, but I even wonder if this is part of the problem with my wife and me. Maybe, I just make things too comfortable. It sounds kind of weird to say this, but maybe a relationship needs some pressure. Maybe I need to be a little bit of a dick sometimes. Perhaps she's just gotten too used to me being easy going with her; no real pressure for sex, no threat of me being a jerk to her, no sexual (or emotional) tension. Nothing has to be earned, it's always given. Again this seems like a strange concept to me, to make someone "earn" something in a marriage but it kind of makes sense too. I mean, maybe we both "have" each other too much or too easily and we get lazy. Hmmm...